Cirque Du Freak: The Vampireís Assistant

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Entertainment: +1

Content: +2

John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Chris Massoglia, Josh Hutcherson, Patrick Fugit, Ray Stevenson, Michael Cerveris, Frankie Faison, Jane Krakowski, Orlando Jones, Kristen Schaal and Salma Hayek. Fantasy adventure. Written by Brian Helgeland, Paul Weitz. Directed by Paul Weitz.

FILM SYNOPSIS: Good kid Darren (Chris Massoglia) and his more spirited best friend stumble upon a traveling freak show, populated by all things strange, including a vampire named Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly). To save his friend from a hellish existence, Darren agrees to become part vampire and to be an aide to Crepsley.

Newly undead, he joins the Cirque Du Freak, a touring sideshow filled with monstrous creatures from a snakeboy and a wolfman to a bearded lady (Salma Hayek) and a gigantic barker (Ken Watanabe). As Darren flexes his newfound powers in this dark world, he becomes a treasured pawn between the vampires and their deadlier counterparts. And while trying to survive, Darren struggles to keep their brewing war from devouring whatís left of his own humanity.

PREVIEW REVIEW: It contains a few chuckles, but lacks the wit of the recent Zombieland. It has an all-star cast, but is headed by a not-so magnetic teenager. And it features no real interesting good guys or bad guys. I wouldnít say the story is convoluted, for that would imply that there is much going on. Rather, the screenplay seems vacuous, containing little meaning or perception. Not that Iím looking for insight from a vampire movie, but I like a story to be somewhat cohesive. This is just a badly edited, thoughtlessly directed mishmash. A comic horror movie should be funny and scary, this is neither.

Preview Reviewer: Phil Boatwright

The following categories contain objective listings of film content which contribute to the subjective numeric Content ratings posted to the left and on the Home page.

Crude Language: None

Obscene Language:

Profanity: None

Violence: Vampires and vampire-want-to-bes battle it out several times, the action like a badly choreographed kung fu movie; thereís a growling werewolf, but thatís about all he does; and there are several little-Yoda-like creatures with sinister faces. Blood: Not much.

Sex: None

Nudity: None

Sexual Dialogue/Gesture: None

Drugs: None

Other: None

Running Time: 109 minutes
Intended Audience: Teens and the Living Dead

Click HERE for a PRINTER-FRIENDLY version of this review.