Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
R
Entertainment: -1
Acceptability: -4

Jeremy Renner, Gemma Atherton, Famke Janssen. Action/adventure comedy. Written by Tommy Wirkola, Dante W. Harper. Directed by Tommy Wirkola.

FILM SYNOPSIS:. A wicked witch kidnapped these siblings, I guess to eat them. Well, they escape and burn her up in the wood stove. Now, it’s their mission – hunt down and destroy all witches. Witches of the Dark Forrest – beware. Your doom is at hand.

PREVIEW REVIEW: First, Lincoln was a vampire killer. Now, nursery rhyming Hansel & Gretel are hunting down practitioners of the dark arts. What’s next, Moses, Zombie Assassin? Hollywood doesn’t miss a trick.

It should satisfy those who want nothing more in their actioneers than the constant site of heads being squished, bodies slamming through walls, and all kinds of other mayhem and destruction. Some of these moviegoers may even find the anachronistic dialogue to be amusing, though, like every other film out since the start of the year, no matter the genre, the main characters pepper their speech with the s- and f-words as if they had created these obscenities. I guess the audience it’s made for will find it a fun, popcorn movie. But the loud and endless raucousness may leave others like me, just wanting to go home.

I confess, I like some spooky thrillers (Signs being one of my favorites), but I do not like the demonic. Nor do I like films about witchcraft. I get the distinct impression the cast has little belief in such things, so mocking practitioners of the dark arts means little to them.

Even though this production was not meant to be taken seriously, I spent the rest of the night unhappy that I had put this stuff in my mind.

Please read my past columns on horror films:

Horror Films and You

Horror Films and Women

Review of the film Signs

Preview Reviewer: Phil Boatwright
Distributor: Paramount

Summary
Crude Language: None
Obscene Language: Around 12 obscenities – mainly a mix of the s- and f-words.
Profanity: The expression “oh my God” is uttered a few times
Violence: An endless parade of violent deeds from martial arts battles to grenades and Gatling guns that shoot down or blow up broom-riding nasties; everybody gets banged up pretty good, but it’s disturbing to see men punching women, even if they are supposed to be invincible sorceresses. Lots of blood, especially when heads get squished by a giant troll.
Sexual Intercourse: One sexual situation.
Nudity: A woman appears nude as she submerges into a pond.
Homosexual Conduct: None
Sexually Suggestive Action/Dialog: None
Drug Abuse: None
Other: None
Running Time: 83 minutes
Intended Audience: ????

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