Clerks II
R
Entertainment: +1
Acceptability: -4

Jeff Anderson, Rosario Dawson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith. Written & directed by Kevin Smith (who also plays Silent Bob).

Now that they are in their thirties, two slackers realize there is more to life than dissecting pop culture and avoiding the responsibilities of adulthood. But after getting new jobs at a hamburger joint, they fall back into the same old habits.

I knew Clerks II was going to be bawdy, but I had heard that the first one (somehow I missed it) was funny, even clever. And Ill admit that I found myself laughing at the get-go. But suddenly it occurred to me that I was laughing not at something humorous, but at the outrageousness of the material.

One character wears a t-shirt inscribed with Got Jesus? Understand, hes a cretin who sells dope and cant complete an entire sentence without using the f-word, but he also quotes scripture well, an out-of-context, paraphrased version of scripture. At first, I wondered if this excessive humor was a way of reaching stoners before submitting a spiritual message. Over an hour into the production, however, I realized that no matter what possible uplift the filmmakers could bestow upon its numbed audience, it wasnt worth my wait. After a bombardment of crude sexual riffs, an endless stream of obscenity and profanity, and the comic introduction of bestiality as a sort of bachelor party send-off, Id had enough. So, after nearly 19 years of reviewing some 3,000 films, I walked out on my fourth or fifth screening. I cant, therefore, legitimately call this a review. In my profession, thats a no-no. So this is not a critique. It is simply my explanation for walking out on a film soon to be a wide release. Despite a theme that I perceived as a satirical stab at slackers, the aforementioned objectionables of near blaspheme, crudity and what came close to an explicit sex act between a fat man and a donkey, I left. My spirit was grieved.

Again, in fairness to the filmmakers and MGM, I must point out that this is not a review. Nor is it a recommendation that you beat your teenagers for the mere request of going. It is simply my reasoning for leaving early, and a declaration that I will not be attending Clerks III, if there should be one. To quote Terms of Endearments Jack Nicholson, Id rather stick needles in my eyes.

Preview Reviewer: Phil Boatwright
Distributor: MGM

Summary
Crude Language: Nearly every conversation was littered with crude or sexually explicit dialogue (until I left).
Obscene Language: Too many to count (Until I left).
Profanity: 5 J, 1 GD (until I left).
Violence: Some slapstick buffoonery, but the real violence was directed at the soul of the viewer (until I left).
Sexual Intercourse: Sexual activity included a sexual act between a man and a donkey. This was played for laughs and did not actually show the act, but the suggestion was gross enough.
Nudity: Not during the first hour and fifteen minutes (then, as Ive stated, I left).
Homosexual Conduct: Some humor built around discussions of the homosexual lifestyle.
Sexually Suggestive Action/Dialog: Throughout (well, at least until I left).
Drug Abuse: Lots of talk about drug use. Two characters sell dope, though we dont actually see the transactions (well, until I left).
Other: It is one of the most offensive 75 minutes of film I have ever seen.
Running Time: At least 75 min
Intended Audience: Adults

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