Almost Heroes
PG-13
Entertainment: +2
Acceptability: -2

In 1804, President Thomas Jefferson commissioned Meriweather Lewis and his guide Clark to chart a path across the Northwest territories to the Pacific Ocean. ALMOST HEROES tries to spoof the historical achievement by following a second expedition led by Leslie Edwards (Matthew Perry) and his guide Bartholomew Hunt (Chris Farley). The Edwards-Hunt expedition is a band of mis-fits; an old man who wants to see the Pacific before he dies, a bagpiper who only knows one tune, a Frenchman who supposedly speaks the various tribal languages and his Indian woman Shakeena (Lisa Barbuscia), and Edward's slave Jonah (Bokeem Woodbine). Edwards plans to beat Lewis and Clark to the Pacific and earn the glory for crossing the continent. Along the way, the group encounters a Spanish conquistador who terrorizes the local area. Hunt bests the leader in a drinking contest but the Spaniards later capture the group. All seems lost until Edwards and Hunt escape, finding help from an Indian tribe. But all the warriors look too old to make it to the rescue. But there are some surprises for everyone.

Unfortunately, this spoof just isn't that funny. Sadly, this was Chris Farley's last film; he's done better. Much of the humor is crude such as a campfire story about sheep dung in a pudding or bird droppings on a man's face. Slapstick actions by Hunt seem more painful than funny as he falls from trees or gets attacked by eagles while stealing eggs. Brief male and female partial rear nudity is seen in a river bathing scene. Sexual intercourse is implied comically as the men are invited to a house of prostitution where the women are really straw mannequins. Edwards kisses the Indian woman, but no sex is implied. The biggest flaw like most current films, is foul language. The s-word is used four times referring to animal dung and in keeping with the era, most of the crude language is mild. However, God's name is used frequently both as swearing and exclamations. With frequent profanity, crude language, and brief nudity, ALMOST HEROES doesn't make the grade.

Preview Reviewer: Paul Bicking
Distributor: Warner Brothers Pictures

Summary
Crude Language: Many times - Mild 12, moderate
Obscene Language: Several times - s-word 4, other 1
Profanity: Many times - Regular 9 (Good God, Dear God, Swear to God, GD 1), exclamatory 10 (Oh God/Oh my God)
Violence: Many times - moderate, some slapstick (slaps, man's ear spit out of mouth, bear drags man off, throat cut with sword, hit with hammer, tooth pulled, eagle attacks man, fall from tree, canoes go over waterfall, man shot in arm, hits w/sticks, martial arts hits & kicks, crotch kick, swordfight)
Sexual Intercourse: None
Nudity: Partial rear nudity (male & female bathing in river)
Homosexual Conduct: None, but referenced negatively in conversation
Sexually Suggestive Action/Dialog: Sensuous kiss, man implies he has house of prostitution but women are straw mannequins, implied encounters with straw women
Drug Abuse: Alcohol drinking to excess (not condoned)
Other: Woman spits on man, man sniffs buffalo dung, reference to self-gratification, man talks into severed ear, bird feces drop on man's face
Running Time: 89 minutes
Intended Audience: Teens and young adults

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